Sixty fucking years, various propaganda specialists for the BBC have been demonstrating a hard on like a diamond in an ice storm, powered by sycophancy Viagra, for all things Royal. Did we not have enough of this last year with the fucking ‘Jubilee’. There was even a Jubilee concert that Kim Jong Un probably thought was a bit over the top. Those ‘celebrations’ were sycophantic to the point of nausea, with Sir Paul McCartney opening his short set with 1967’s ‘Magical mystery tour’ instead of 1968’s ‘Revolution’. In some ways I’m glad Lennon died young to extinguish the remote possibility of him following his writing partner down the mundane soulless path of establishment worship. Speaking of soulless Gary Barlow and Cheryl Cole also performed last year. The 2012 concert was said to have cost £6 million, or perhaps the rough cost of a school, and rounded off a weekend long orgy of arse kissing, genuflecting and flag waving. I’m not against the flag waving and if you want to wave your flag why not do it to honour and celebrate Britain’s citizens, its explorers, its achievers, its thinkers, its engineers, or its sportsmen. Not somebody who was born into a life of wealth and privilege at the expense of those less well off.
It is argued that the Monarchy, the Queen in particular, is a focal point for all that is great about the UK. I can’t help but think that for £200 million plus per year we could probably find a cheaper focal point. To be honest, the money doesn’t bother me so much, I’m sure it would be wasted elsewhere if not spent propping up an already wealthy, unelected head of state. We are taught from a young age to worship an unelected leader with the mythical ability to turn men into knights with her blue blood and without her no-one would ever visit. We hear that without royalty the UK would surely become some baron waste land with no visitors. I’m surprised many royalists are also against immigration, as without the royalty maybe the UK’s open borders wouldn’t be such a problem. Maybe immigrants wouldn’t bother coming here in hope of a better life, if there was no opportunity to get a glimpse of an old lady in a magic hat. Does the UK really need to rely on a feudal system more at home in the middle ages for its self-esteem? Do we really have nothing else to offer?
There is an argument that the sheer turn out for last years Jubilee shows the country still wants a monarchy, apparently 1.2 million people lined the banks of the Thames alone to watch the Her Royal Highness wave at some boats. Sounds a lot, 1.2 million, that’s about 10% of greater London’s inhabitants, but does that mean the other 90% of London were either busy or just couldn’t give a shit? Unless of course they were at the many parties up and down the land. There were definitely parties; I even got invited to one or two. People like a party, people even throw parties at Halloween and they put out pumpkins. In fact when I think about it, at Halloween I observed more pumpkins outside of houses than I did strings bunting in the last last year. Maybe we’re a nation of Satanists! The Queen gave us two days off for her Jubilee, last year, which was nice and a good excuse for a party. I might have partied, but I felt a bit sick that in 2012 we still have a monarch essentially saying “For my Jubilee, let the workers take a break” and then the workers must tip their cap and reply “Thank you ma’am, most gracious”. I’ll party at the next state funeral; we’ll probably get a couple of days off then, too.
If everyone has to pay for the Monarchy then shouldn’t at least 50% of the population want a Monarchy and I’m not sure that 30 million royal fans would be found, especially if given the choice between a new hospital each year or a family who waves from posh cars. There is a much more rational argument that a Monarchy is preferable to a Republic as the idea of a President Cameron or President Blair is the stuff of nightmares, but then again we still have these people, as heads of state, we call them Prime Ministers. At the moment we have both a corrupt, almost indistinguishable two and a half party system that serves the establishment and an extra layer of un-elected establishment above that, not to mention the house of Lords somewhere in-between. We now have two layers of expensive establishment rather than just the one that a Republic would offer. I think in the current situation, having more is equating to receiving less, something a lot of people have come to learn since we got our third, or is is forth I’m starting to lose count, layer of expensive establishment in the European Parliament. I’ve had it explained to me that the extra layer of Monarchy stops the Prime Minister going bat shit crazy and ignoring the wishes of the citizens. The Monarch is there to stop illegality from her Parliament, which sounds OK, but if that’s the case where was she when we declared war on Iraq? Or handed over powers to a court in Belgium? Did she even have an opinion on the MP’s expenses scandal? Maybe a Queen with a £90 million stock portfolio, £10 billion art collection and £7 billion in property is careful to look after her own investments or maybe she just doesn’t want to rock the boat. So at best, the Queen is an inept coward and at worse corrupt, but in actuality with regard to the political system is just pointless. To be fair to Queen Elizabeth II has repealed one unfair law in her 60 years on the throne and that was back in 1992 when she changed the law to allow herself to pay tax, albeit on a voluntary basis and without an audit.
Legalised slavery and racism are quite rightly a thing of the past, confined to a time when the human race didn’t want to or didn’t know better. I think the hero worship and funding of human beings with magical ‘blue blood’ should also be a thing of the past. I would like to think as a species we can now move on from that. I think my anger comes from constantly reading about “our” Queen and being told I’m her “subject”. Let’s at least accept, for a large percentage of the UK, that is generally ignored by the media, the Queen is as relevant as a particularly stubborn case of ringworm. If your next child is born at the same time as Will and Kate’s future offspring and through some bizarre coincidence they end up side by side, little bouncing babies in bassinets on some imaginary, improbable and impossible nursery, which one deserves the best education? Which one deserves the best in healthcare? Which one is most valuable?